


5 times Keith is told to change (and 1 time he knows he doesn't have to)

by Nyctolovian



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Canonical Character Death, Coming of Age, Crying, Gen, Growing Up, Hurt/Comfort, Keith (Voltron) Being an Asshole, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Kid Keith (Voltron), Not Beta Read, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Sad Keith (Voltron), Tags May Change, but in this house we believe in character development hahahah, change, honestly if he were in my class i wouldnt rly like him much, too tired lollllll
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-06-30 16:47:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15755781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyctolovian/pseuds/Nyctolovian
Summary: Growing up is tough and Keith is constantly told to change himself. Sometimes, they are hurled at him to hurt. But sometimes they are genuine advice, although they may be bitter pills to swallow. This is a collection of those moments.It's exactly what it says on the tin.





	1. So you change what you can.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. Bad summary is bad .-. but it works if you clicked into this fic hahaha! This fic was inspired by Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. (A super super good book i highly rec this. I cried reading this and I still cry when i re-read it.) I just thought how nice it must be to be accepted for who you are instead of always being told to change.
> 
> One thing i really dislike is being told to change so no matter what the intention of the advice to change is, I just feel really hurt or attacked. I don't like myself for being that way tbhhh....... welp but i lowkey saw that in keith because he's pretty stubborn (like me). and thus this fic was born lollllll This is also lowkey vent fic because I wanted to punch sb in the face when i was writing this. no reason why i wanted to do that. just rly frustrated with life....
> 
> As usual, my fics are somewhat reliant on songs. This was written while i had The Boy in the Bubble by Alec Benjamin on loop.

Living in the middle of the desert with his dad since he was a baby meant that Keith’s first interaction with another kid his age was on his first day of kindergarten. He didn’t understand why he had to travel so far to go to such an awful place 

He had seen other kids – older than him, but kids – but they were so noisy and talked too fast. It was difficult to keep up with their words and games and jokes. Now he’s supposed to go to school?

But his father insisted that it was good for him. “It’s no good to stay cooped up in a shack all day, right? You’ll get bored eventually,” he said. 

Keith did a half-shrug. 

With a chuckle, Dad gave his hair a good ruffle. “You’re gonna do great, kiddo.”

Now, standing at the side of the playground, clutching the hem of his shirt, Keith watched the other children whizz by. He was paralysed with bafflement. What was he supposed to do? Make a friend? His dad would tell him to do that. But everyone was screaming dinosaur noises or talking about the cartoon yesterday or chasing each other or pew-pew-pew-ing or–

“Hey!” a girl in bright pink called to him. She smiled brightly, showing off the little hole where a two front teeth should be. “Keith, right?”

Hesitant, nervous noises clumsily tumbled out of Keith’s mouth before he settled for a simple nod. 

“Do you want to be my friend?”

A small smile spread across Keith’s lips as he nodded again.

She giggled. “I’m Jessica. Come and play with me and Roger!” She grabbed him by his elbow and ran.

Oh. So this was how you made friends. Keith had a friend! His grin widened as he let out little laughs as his legs tried to keep up with the pink blur.

He followed her and joined another boy, who was standing in front of a plastic house that was about a head taller than Keith. That must be Roger then.

“We’re playing house!” he yelled, throwing his arms up. “Jessica! Why did you get another boy? We need another girl!”

“Everyone else was playing something else already!” she pouted. 

Roger crossed his arms. “Then, you have to be Mommy.”

With a horrified gasp, Jessica stomped her feet. “No! I said that I want to be Baby!”

“But I can’t be Mommy! And he can’t be Mommy!”

Keith blinked rapidly, his head swivelling quickly, looking between Jessica and Roger. He felt something bubble in his chest. What’s happening?

“One… One of you can be Mommy.”

Groaning, Roger threw his head back till Keith could see his face even when he was standing behind him. “We’re both boys! We can’t be Mommy! We can only be Daddy!”

Jessica squatted on the floor. “But I don’t want to be Mommy! I’m always Mommy!”

“Uh… Um… Maybe,” Keith said, stepping forward slowly, “we don’t need a Mommy.”

The two other children whipped their heads around to look at him with the widest eyes, as if Keith had said the most ludicrous thing.

“How can we have no Mommy?” Jessica asked. “All families have Mommy.”

His eyes darted to look at the floor. He pulled his shirt again. “Um… I don’t have a Mommy.”

“You don’t have Mommy?” Roger shouted. “You don’t have Mommy?”

“Why you don’t have Mommy?” Jessica asked, cocking her head, confused, concerned, sad.

“I don’t know… Dad said she was somewhere else…”

“Where?”

“I… I… I don’t know…”

“You don’t have Mommy!” Roger roared, laughing. By now, a few other kids had heard him and poked their heads in, curious, and he turned to those kids, yelling, “Keith has no Mommy!”

Despite how many times his dad had told him that it was alright not to have a Mommy, that it was alright to only have Dad, all of a sudden, Keith had never felt more wrong for not having a mother. He shrunk into himself.

Keith squatted down and pressed his hands to his ears. Still, he heard a chant growing. A surge of heat surged up Keith’s chest but he couldn’t recognise what it was. All he knew was that it made him want to scream. “Keith has no Mommy! Keith has no Mommy! Keith has no Mommy! Keith has no Mommy!”

He held his breath and curled in on himself harder. He could feel his face growing hot from exertion. His arms were shaking. 

“Keith has no Mommy! Keith has no Mommy! Keith has no Mommy!”

Then, he felt hands. They shook his arms. They pulled his hair. They tugged his shirt. They pushed his face. They grabbed his fingers. 

“Keith has no Mommy! Keith has no Mommy!”

They yanked his hands away.

“Keith has no Mommy!”

It was a red blur.

Then, he was being pulled away from another boy, who was on the ground, crying, bruised and bloodied. All the children around him were either silent or wailing.

His arms were still punching. His lungs were still screaming. His tears were still pouring. 

 

* * *

 

Outside the principal’s office, Keith sat, gripping the sides of the chair. Pursing his lips, he swung his legs as he glared at the floor. His stomach was flip-flopping as he waited. 

The door opened. 

Keith clenched his teeth.

Dad said softly, “We’re going home.”

Tentatively, his eyes travelled upwards, but stopped just at his father’s belly. He couldn’t muster the courage to look up any further. Gulping, he slid off the chair. 

As they headed out of the school, Keith walked a few steps behind his father, head bowed. When they neared the car park, he heard the familiar beeps of car unlocking. Without a word, he went to the passenger side of the car and opened the door. He clambered in and leaned clumsily out to pull the car door close but his dad was already standing there, a hand on the door. 

“Careful,” he warned. 

Keith ducked in quickly and then the door slammed shut. Then, his father came in from the other side. The both of them buckled their seatbelts. 

However, instead of starting the car like usual, Dad sat there, hands on the steering wheel, eyes forward. Keith stared out of the window, leaning his head against it, heart pounding. 

He heard his father sigh. “Keith, you said those kids made fun of you, right? Is that why you hit Gabriel?”

There was a full second of silence and then Keith shrugged.

“Look, I know it’s hard when people make fun of you. But that doesn’t mean you can fight people for doing that, you know?”

Keith glared at the door handle. “But it’s not fair. They made fun of me first. Then they pushed and pulled me.”

Dad put on his scolding voice. “It doesn’t matter who did what first or second. No hitting people. If this happens again, go tell a teacher, alright?”

Puffing his cheeks, Keith finally looked at his father and said, “But they started it first!”

“Hitting people is bad,” Dad repeated firmly. “No matter who started it first. If other people hit you, it doesn’t mean you have to hit back. Remember, if anyone is mean to you, or wants to start a fight with you, go tell the teachers, okay, Keith?”

“Okay,” Keith relented, knowing his dad was right. 

“Good,” he said, Dad nodded. He turned the key and the car started. 

“Can I not go to school?”

Back to his scolding voice, he replied, “No. School is important.”

Tears pricked the back of Keith’s eyes. “I don’t want to go back! Why do other people make fun of me for not having a Mommy?”

Dad sucked in a breath through his teeth, as if bracing himself. “There will be people who make fun of you for a lot of things. They’re not right. They’re being mean. But you have to control yourself. You can’t let them make you angry.”

“Why? They’re the ones who are wrong!”

“That’s why you have to know how to control yourself. Don’t let them make you angry. People might hurt you but you’ve gotta control. You should be the better person and not hit people back.”

“Why? It’s not fair! Why must I control myself? Other people aren’t controlling themselves! They’re making fun of me!”

“But you can’t change other things, right? So you change what you can. You change yourself,” Dad said, leaning towards him and putting a hand on his shoulder. “So learn to control yourself.”

Keith pushed his hand away. “I don’t understand why other things can’t change! I want other people to stop making fun of me because I don’t have a Mommy!” he screamed. “I want Mommy to come back!”

“It’s alright not to–”

WHAM! Keith slammed his fists against the sides of his seat. “You keep saying that! But– but– but–” He flailed his arms, searching for a way to tell his dad that he couldn’t find it in himself to believe that anymore. “You keep saying that! But–” The tears welled up in his eyes again. He hiccupped in sobs. 

Panic flashed across his father’s eyes as he scrambled for what to do. “Hey…” he whispered.

“It’s not fair!” 

His father flinched. 

The tears dribbled down Keith’s chin. Sobs turned to bawls. With the back of his hands, he tried to wipe his eyes as the tears kept coming. All he did was smear all the snot and tears all over his face. “It’s not fair!” he wailed. 

“Hey, don’t cry, son. It’s alright,” his father tried. “Don’t cry.”

But Keith couldn’t stop. He cried, and he cried, and he cried. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anddddd lolllll idk when I will finish the next part tbh because I'm busy studying currently (just a lil more to go ughhhh) I hope its soon. I already have a plan. I just have to wait till I have the damn time..... ;-; 
> 
> The tags are likely to change (and I'm not sure if I should have keith be in a relationship cos i rly want this fic to be keith-centric). Anywayyyy do look forward to more I suppose??? lolllll have fun waiting, folks. I'll also be waiting (for myself to get my life tgt)
> 
> Anyway, as usual (altho i forgot this last fic but wHaTeVeR), come find me. drop a kudos! A comment even! Or come disturb me on [tumblewumblr](https://nyctolovian.tumblr.com). lollll im lowkey too tired and im listening to animal crossing while doing this pls forgive my non-functioning brain


	2. Grow Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okieeee so its done haha! 
> 
> If there’s anything that doesn’t make sense please tell me! I dun rly know how american schools work so :/ Im srsly just basing this off of what we have in canon and all the american high school stuff i’ve seen hahaha! 
> 
> Im sorry for hurting Keith this much but its part of the contract so deal with it lollll seriously though, I feel so much pain for Keith’s childhood.... he rly didn’t deserve all the things that he was forced to deal with. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this! :)

“Alright,” Mrs Hooper announced. “We have a special talk today! Everyone, head over to the hall.”

The clatter of chairs being pushed back and the chatter of excitement, which came with any disruption to their boring lesson routine, was aggravating to Keith’s ears. With a groan, he got off his seat and trailed after the class as they headed towards the corridor to line up in twos.

‘Special talk’, they said. Most likely going to be the local police officer coming to tell them not to shoplift or do drugs or something idiotic like that. The boring stuff. Keith yawned.

As the class walked towards the school hall, Keith slipped out of the two neat files. Used to this by now, no one cared that he was leaving. All except for one person.

“Mrs Hooper! Keith’s trying to leave again!” James yelled.

Keith shot him a look but James just glared back.

Mrs Hooper sighed and said, “Keith, where are you going?”

“To the toilet,” he replied curtly.

“You cannot just walk off like that,” she chided for the nth time. “You need to inform the teacher of where you’re going. We won’t want anyone going missing without us knowing, right?”

He rolled his eyes. “Then, may I go to the toilet?” he asked, without turning to acknowledge her.

He could hear the teacher’s short exasperated hesitance. Then, like every other person who had given up, she said, “Yes, you may. The rest of you follow me.” She turned towards the front again.

However, just as Keith sauntered off, he heard James mutter, “Seriously, stop acting like some emo kid just because your parents died.”

Rage surged through Keith as he whipped around to glare at him. Sensing a fight, the class stopped and watched while Mrs Hooper obliviously continued forward.

“What? Am I wrong?” James taunted, raising his chin. “Grow up, Keith. No one’s going to listen to your little tantrums anymore.”

Keith’s grip tightened. “I don’t have time for you,” he bit out.

If it were any other day, Keith would have raised his fists within a split second. Every word was a spit in the face. He knew that. But today, he was too damn tired to deal with James and his taunts.

He stuffed his hands into his pockets and stalked off. His lips were pursed as his heart pumped with vigor and he kicked several dustbins down on his way to the toilet.

As soon as he was in a cubicle, he slammed the door shut. He dragged his hands through his hair and gripped it so tight the roots of his hair pulled his scalp painfully.

It wasn’t like Keith wanted to be angry. He didn’t like getting angry either.

He knew how he would lose his temper every time. Of course, he did. He was the one who saw himself descend into fury time and time again. It was a pitfall trap designated for Keith and he fell into it every single time without fail.

Before he knew it, fights became almost a daily thing for Keith, and so had getting into trouble. Especially after Pop’s death. The number of times he came back to the orphanage with bloody fists and bruised up face would frighten his father. Not that anyone in the orphanage cared. Even if he was bleeding onto his shirt or limping. Not unless they received a letter of complaint.

Then, suddenly getting into a fight was a big deal. “We cannot have one of our kids starting fights,” they’d say, even when it wasn’t Keith who had started it, as if bullies in the neighbourhood never labelled orphans as he local punching bags.

Even his dad had warned him so many times not to get angry. “I know how easy it is to get angry but you need to control your anger, Keith. Don’t let it control you,” he said all the time. “I used to be hot-headed like you. But I learned to control my temper, and so can you.”

But it’s just so difficult. His head would just heat up and boil like a kettle of water. If he knew how to turn off the fire, he would. Really.

He’s tried and he’s tried but he failed each and every time.

And, honestly? Sometimes, it felt as though getting angry was the only way for people to hear him now. No one else cares about the orphan. No one cared if the orphan was breaking. Not unless the orphan was breaking someone else’s nose. Someone else with a parent who would care.

Keith kicked the walls of the cubicle and slumped to a squat. He let out a groan and dragged a hand over his face.

Today was Pop’s birthday.

Supposedly, he would go home to find him cooking steak, a family favourite and must have on his birthday. Supposedly, they’d sing Happy Birthday with the steak on the table because they were weird like that. And supposedly, he’d get to just have a nice relaxing dinner with him.

But he’s dead now.

Today, Keith knew what was going to happen. He’d go out of the cubicle as soon as the dismissal bell rings singe the teachers would never bother to find him. He’d pack his bags and head back to the orphanage, where he may get a complaint for being the annoying troublesome kid he was. He would complete just enough homework not to get into too much trouble. If the day could get any worse, he’d somehow get into a fight with another kid again. Then, he’d get sent to bed. While the other kids might chatter amongst themselves, he’d be fast asleep and hopefully sleep till morning without any disturbances.

It’d be just like any old day.

But it wasn’t just _any old day_. It was the first birthday that he couldn’t celebrate with his father, and it hurt to know that it wouldn’t seem any different even when it felt like the worst day of his life, with the exception of the day he went home to the news of his father’s death.

He folded his arms over his knees and pressed his face into the crook of his arms.

 _I’m too damn tired today_ was his excuse as he felt the tears choke him up, yet refuse to fall.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope yall liked it!! :D Again, i apologise for the lack of clear updating schedules lollll school is slowly murdering. I just gotta pull through this a lil longer and maybe i’ll be given a long enough breather to get back to all my hobbies (i currently have no life whatsoever)
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and do drop them kudos and comments!!! I’ll be delighted!! Or you could come bother me [here](https://nyctolovian.tumblr.com)!!


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